This is what happens when you name your kid Colton

(CNN) — A federal judge sentenced Colton Harris-Moore, whom authorities dubbed the Barefoot Bandit, to six-and-a-half years in prison on Friday for an infamous string of thefts and burglaries.

So the Barefoot Bandit is going to jail and it got me thinking the only thing worse then heading to jail for six-and-a half years is heading there with a name of the Barefoot Bandit (although Colton comes in a close second). While the BB is undoubtably terrible, below is a list of names that would set this guy back even more when the Sisters found out about him. As a rule most nicknames can relate to sex or violence and since those are the two things you encounter in prison (likely not by choice) these names can lead to trouble almost immediately.

Bad Larry (violence)

-          ‘Bad anything’ lets people know that you don’t take shit from anyone. Well neither do your new dorm mates! This will threaten them and therefore they will threaten you.  2.5/5 shanks

The Elephant Man (Sex)

-          Nothing says fresh meat than “The (insert here) Man.  Soon, like an elephant you will be walking very slowly.  3/5 shanks

Captain Kangaroo (violence/sex)

-          A captain of any kind tells the fellow inmates that you have been a leader of men which will bring fights your way. This will also bring unwanted sex advances your way.  Double edged sword…that will likely kill you.   4/5 shanks

Big Daddy (sex/violence)

-          Big Daddy will bring unwanted sex your way 10 times out of 10. “Hey you Big Daddy, prove it!” But it will also give the office tough guys a chance to show they can take down the big man. It’s only a matter of time until everyone knows your nickname has nothing to do with your front-hanger…oh and you’ll be violently stabbed shortly thereafter.   5/5 Shanks

So there you have it. The Barefoot Bandit may not be as dangerous as Big Daddy but heading into prison with a nickname like that is sure to give him some trouble.