Scott with his head still on his shoulders.
Summary (from TV.com)
Brandon gets assigned to a story on West Beverly’s star tennis player, Roger Azarian, who is initially resistant but finally allows Brandon to interview him. He finds a screenplay that Roger wrote, and it’s autobiographical contents lead Brandon to worry that the tennis star may be considering patricide. Meanwhile, the gang learn their SAT scores, and Donna’s low scores convince her that hanging out with the school’s loser quotient is the only future she has.
Breakdown
That summary from TV.com does not begin to do this episode even a tinge of justice. It neglects to mention that Roger Azarian is played by none other than funny man Matthew Perry. That’s right folks, before Chandler Bing was making cheese jokes on Friends he was playing a disturbed, yet highly athletic and successful high school student at West Beverly. As many of the High School episodes do, this centers around Brandon Walsh writing a story for the NY Times (aka, the school newspaper).
The episode starts with Azarian smacking tennis balls in a nice little montage that features a killer electric guitar riff. Azarian’s coach marvels as every shot is landing just inside the line while Brandon watches from the sideline in his best Jay Leno denim onesie. Due to the sheer power of Azarian’s swing and the mind-boggling fact that he is using a wooden racquet, not only do his strings break, but the whole face of the racquet itself snaps in half! He walks off the court in disgust only to have this exchange with Brandon (all while getting a new racquet and getting back on the court). My comments are in bold.
Brandon: How many of those do you break a week?
Hmm, why are you watching practice by yourself?
Roger: Depends whose face I imagine on the ball?
What the fuck kind of answer is that? You can’t be tough, you are playing tennis against a ball machine.
Brandon: (observing his racquet) Wood huh?
Hmm yeah.
Roger: Yeah, Bjorn Borg used to use one.
Name drop.
Brandon: I’m impressed. Then again you’re an impressive guy. Lettered in three sports, straight A student, debating team, environmental awareness program, interned at the Governor’s office last summer.
Dude before the Internet was invented there is no non-creepy way to get that info. You’re weird.
Roger: Yeah listen Walsh, I told you no interviews.
Hmm, what? Dude you’re in high school.
Brandon: You know Borg didn’t become a star until he started talking to the press. You gotta learn how to take the heat.
Does that mean you are going to bring the heat Brandon?
Roger: Ok, you got it.
Shit that was easy.
Brandon: You’re kidding?!?!
You didn’t land the President. This dude is in high school and he is on the tennis team.
Roger: Just make sure to spell my name right.
Could I be any more of a dick? Bing!
Then he winds up and slams the ball right down the line again while smiling. Too freakin’ much. Great opening to a great episode.
I knew Bjorn Borg, he was a friend of mine and you Roger are no Bjorn Borg.
Set Go
While this excellent dialogue could keep most entertained for a full hour, things really start picking up steam when Brandon goes over to Roger’s house. First he sees the family gun case, then Roger totally overreacts when Brandon pulls out a recorder to interview him for the paper followed by the first appearance of Mr. Azarian. The sexual tension between Roger and his dad is palpable…ok maybe it isn’t sexual but something ain’t right. Mr. Azarian mentions that he had lunch with an old fraternity buddy who works for Stanford and again Roger overreacts. Hmm, I wish my dad was had a fraternity pal at Stanford. This is also where we learn of Roger’s screenplay in which his dad wants to pitch to an agency. Again, dude seems cool in my book. But Roger plays it like wah-wah* claiming he wants to do it himself.
*A baby. Someone who cries.
Brandon asks to read Roger’s screenplay to which little boy Azarian replies like a giddy school girl. “You really want to read it? Nobody has read it.” Hmm ok. Brandon quickly realizes he has gotten in a bit too deep as in the screenplay; the character with all of Roger’s characteristics and family specifics (nice imagination dude) kills his father. Brandon then becomes obsessed with the thought of Roger actually killing his father when Mr. Tennis starts dropping subtly lines like “Ahh I could just kill that guy” and “who’d miss him?” Brilliant. Brandon then enlists the help of his trusty sidekick Andrea to see how she would help someone if they called the teen line she works at and talked about murder. Not sure how she can work there since she is about forty-seven years old. Woodward and Bernstein collaborate for a bit. Hmm is there something else going on?
I‘ll be generous here and say Andrea is on the left.
Awesome subplot
Thank God for this subplot. While Chandler is thinking about killing his dad, the girls (Kelly, Donna and Brenda) are all waiting for their SAT results. Aren’t they sophomores here? A little early to take that test. Kelly and Brenda get their scores back while Donna says she hasn’t heard back yet. Like any group of high school girlfriends, Kelly and Brenda immediately do not believe their pal and opt to instead think that something is up. BFF.
Donna does her part to push the storyline forward as she stops hanging out with the girls and is even seen smoking cigarettes with the dangerous kids in the parking lot. As this plot slowly crawls up to the climax Donna continues to drop clues that she did poorly on the test (“isn’t it kind of far off to worry about college?”) I actually agree with her here. Nonetheless, the stakes could not be any higher than the next scene in which everyone is in class taking a test. Donna watches the clock go almost a whole hour while writing nothing in her booklet. We are talking essay questions! Even Dylan says in the scene prior “Essays are easy because there is no wrong answer.” Dylan fucking McKay! Donna realizes she is out of time and pretends to have a contact jammed in her eye and runs out of class. If that was the take they used, I wonder what she was like in rehearsal? As Chuck would say…terrrrrrrible. Again, her best friends Kelly and Brenda start laughing.
We come to find out Donna has a learning disability and she will get into plenty of colleges if she can just have unlimited time on tests. Ok, isn’t that cheating? Brenda comes to her defense and meets with the principal on her behalf in what I like to call the worst five minutes of my life.
Bringing It Home
The show continues to build with Brandon thinking Roger is just minutes away from killing his father. He borrows Dylan’s car during school and races over to the Azarian’s house. He finds Roger drunk playing with a handgun. Brandon then musters up with courage to sputter out how killing your father isn’t the answer to which Roger laughs and says he would never do that. He would however, kill himself as he points the gun at his own face. In a beautiful moment for television, Brandon talks Roger out of ending his miserable straight A life…after all who would chair the environmental awareness program?
The show ends with Brandon visiting Roger in the hospital (I assume because he was hammered and got his stomach pumped). Mr. Azarian stops Brandon in the hallway and tells him that both Roger and he are both seeking help. Why does Mr. Azarian need help again? Because he wanted to help his son into Stanford? The final scene has Brandon and Roger listening to the Dodgers’ game on the radio. Coincidentally right when they turn it on someone hits a home run in the bottom of the ninth inning to which neither of them responds. The announcer then says “It’s a brand new ballgame!” That it is good sir, that it is!
Roger this could be your dad!!!
Quick Hitters
Kelly reveals to Brenda in the most nonchalant of ways that she slept with Roger Azarian.
Brandon asks Dylan in the hallway if he ever thought about seriously hurting his father to which he replied “Yeah I was close.”
Andrea is often the voice of concern/panic but when Brandon tells her about Roger she brushed his off three times. That’s practically manslaughter from the teen help expert.
Underused Cast Member
Steve Sanders of course. Other than a few lines Stevie boy was a ghost in this one.
Give this hair and the guy attached to it more screen time!
Overused Cast Member
Brenda. Anytime she has more than a few lines she is overused.
Surprised
A storyline all about Donna held my attention. As the show progresses throughout the years and she is supposed to be sexy I can’t help but wear a bib, however something about her being a confused kid was helped by the fact she was likely confused when she was trying to act.
Kudos
To Darren Starr by showing scenes from Roger’s screenplay as Brandon imagines them. Awesome footage of Roger going crazy.
Person who should not have worked again after this
Is clearly Matthew Perry. Holy hell was his acting brutal. Although when he isn’t making wise-cracks about Joey’s intelligence on Friends he goes into serious zone like this. Just watch any episode of Friends where he is slightly serious. He squints his eyes and tilts his head to the side while softening his voice to show everyone he means it!
Could I BE pointing the gun more at myself?
Best Scene
Has to be the brief scene in the hallway where Steve asks Roger what school he is going to only to have Roger yell back “what’s that supposed to mean?” because he mentioned his father. Awesome
Learning Lessons:
1. Murdering your father is bad
2. Depression should be treated
3. Learning disabilities do not mean you are stupid
4. Kelly is very easy
Overall grade: A-
I only take away a few points for a few inconsistencies (i.e. Andrea not caring about someone in danger, Brenda being interested in school) but it is still the first season, these characters are just getting settled in.
Let me start off by saying I pride myself on being a person who doesn’t gawk over seeing a celebrity. My thinking goes, hey, these are regular people who have to deal with this shit all day long from school girls and crazies, I don’t want to get in the mix. Living in New York and having the chance to travel a bit I have run into my fair share. Saw Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morissette in New Zealand and didn’t say anything. No jokes about having ‘10,000 spoons’ and still looking for that fucking knife. Nothing. And we were in New Zealand…nobody knew they were in the presence of one of the guys from “Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Shop.” 